I need you Jesus, Come to my Rescue

Dads,

I decided this should be my first post, since it changed me and if my deficiency can motivate and resonate with other men, then so be it. To God be the Glory.

This story really has nothing to do with my son, but will give you some perspective of where I was at as a father.

I received a text from my wife today with a picture of my son. He was recently place on restriction from all electronic devices (TV, computer, games, etc.). The picture was of him playing a video game on our TV. He had gone upstairs to clean up and read, but when she hadn’t seen him in a while she went to go check on him. She found him playing a game with the TV on mute. She calmly took the picture and went back down stairs and sent it to me.

When I saw the picture my heart just sank. It hurt. I wasn’t mad or angry, which would be my normal response. I just hurt, hurt for him. I replied to her text and told her not to deal with it, so that I could when I got home. I explained that I would just pray for the Holy Spirit to convict him in hopes that he would confess at some point during the day and she was going to do the same.

When I got home he knew that we needed to talk at some point because Kelly had previously told him that I wanted to talk with him. The rest of the family had some errands to run, so after dinner they left.

I gave him more multiple opportunities to confess, but he didn’t. I then showed him the picture and asked if he recalled doing it. His face sank and he said yes. I talked at length about listening to the Spirit. He said he thought about admitting to it when his mom asked earlier in the day what he was doing upstairs, but he hadn’t thought about it the rest of the day. I told him that concerned me because he is shutting God’s spirit out by not listening to Him the rest of the day. I told him how I felt and that I wasn’t angry, but extremely disappointed this time and my heart just hurt to see him make those choices.

We then sat down on the couch and I talked some more and told him that he had now lost those privileges for another month, until the end of October. His face and heart just sank and he began to tear up, but understood why the privileges were taken away for even longer. Again I told him how hurt and disappointed I was for him. I explained that his ears and heart need to be listening to God and His Spirit. He sat there in silence. I finally asked him if he had anything to say… He could hardly speak…with tears in his eyes and a shaky voice he said “Daddy….would you pray for me”.

That is when it hit me. My heart melted. I never offered to pray for him. I’ve been expecting him to do this on his own, but haven’t been faithfully praying and interceding for him. He came over and I just held him as he cried for a long time. I then prayed for him and me. We reconciled and the evening went on as normal and we all went to bed shortly thereafter.

I woke up early the next morning at just before 4am and had the song “Rescue” in my head for some reason. I’ve been in this position before, where I am wide awake and God is speaking to me (a verse in my head, a song in my heart). I got up and went out to the couch in the living room. My heart was still heavy, and I was trying to remember all the words to the song, so that I could “sing” it in my head because I just didn’t have the words to explain how I was feeling. I searched on my phone for over an hour for just the right version. I then found this link:

I listened to it and when he sang out “I love you Lord” the tears began to flow. I wept uncontrollably and asked God to forgive me for my lack of intercession for my family. Each sentence of both songs resonated in my heart. This is what I was trying to cry out to God and say. That is when God said to me, “I grieve when you sin.” It seemed like for the first time I was truly grieving, in love, for someone else. The night before I told my son that my heart was sad, but it was more than that. His decision made my heart heavy with grief, not angry or upset which is my usual feeling/response.

How I must grieve Him and the Spirit. I expected my son to do what is right and I know I can do nothing right without the help of the Spirit and the Father interceding for me, but I was not on my face interceding for my son. How much more should I be patient and intercede for him when the Father and Creator of the universe intercedes before God on my behalf. He is the Great High Priest that intercedes for me. I am to be the priest in my household doing the same. I was not though. I was broken in the realization of my absolute utter dependence on Christ for everything and His patience and grace that He has for me.

I went to work and listened to that song/video over and over. Each time I tried to sing, the tears and brokenness would overcome me. I went to see multiple clients and listened while I drove and had to pull over multiple times because the tears were so overwhelming.

I love you Lord (a great place to start a prayer)

I lift my voice (hear me O God)….

Take joy my King (I pray that I bring you joy in what I do/what you hear/the example that I am)

Let it be a sweet sound…

… No one else will do, I will take hold of you! (I will reach out and not let go)

I need you Jesus, come to my rescue! (I’m lost without you. I can’t do anything without you)

Where else can I go? (I have no other options; I am utterly dependent on you)

So my day goes….each time I think of God’s grace and patience with me and my utmost need and reliance on Him, the tears begin to flow. What a great place to be!

~Shane